Love Letters
by truemysterys
Summary: Clara Oswald is about to return to Gallifrey and face her fate. Here's what she wanted to tell the Doctor in her last moments.


Dear Doctor,

I know you can't remember me.

I'm Clara, the girl who's song you played on the guitar, the one who you would know instantly if you saw her again.

You didn't, by the way, recognise her instantly. You told me that, in the American diner.

You said if you ever met her again, you would absolutely know. You didn't.

You didn't recognise me.

Anyway, that's not why I am writing this letter to you. You see, now it's time for me to go back to Gallifrey, to Trap Street, to see you one last time as I step back into reality, for you to remember me. And, I don't know how long it's been for you since we last met, hopefully not four and a half billion years again, but it's very unlikely you still remember me.

I wanted to tell you something, sonething I said to you that now you can't remember.

I still can.

It's been 50 years, but I can remember what I told you.

We were in the Cloisters, and Ohila had just told me you had been in the Confession Dial for about four and a half billion years (I'm still angry at you for that), and you told me again that you had a duty of care.

"I have something to say." I told you, Doctor, after I calmed down from the realisation you hadn't seen me for four and a half billion years.

"We don't have any time." You know that when you're angry your voice goes more Scottish, it makes you seem angrier than you are normally. Even your eyebrows look scary when you go Scottish.

"My time is up, Doctor, between one heartbeat and the last is all I have!" I said, before I properly calmed down.

"People like you and me, we should say things to one another. And I'm going to say them now." I said, and you looked at me very confused.

"Clara..." You whispered, and I just smiled at you, sadly, "Is now the right time?"

"It's the only time! I need to tell you that I love you!" I said angrily, raising my voice, before I realised what I had revealed.

I told you I loved you, Doctor, it's a big deal for me.

"You love me?" You stumbled with your words, for once speechless.

"I always have. No matter your face, or your attitude, or your supposed compliments, I have loved you for every single second we have travelled together." I replied, grinning like a little kid, and finally you cheered up.

"You really do, don't you?" You asked in shock, and I nodded, "I've never done this before, told someone I loved them." Suddenly the brash Scotsman had been replaced by a shy man, a romantic.

"Tell me something else, then."

"Memories become stories when we forget them, Clara." He said solemnly, and I looked at him.

"Doctor, what are you talking about?" I asked, wondering where you were going.

"I could never forget you, Clara Oswald. When I thought you had died, you were the only thing that kept me going when I was in the Confession Dial. It was the thought of you that made me stand up to the Veil, that got me my strength to punch that wall, to leave the dial. It was the idea that it would get me one step closer to seeing you again, your smile, your laugh, what you're like when you're angry, or happy, or sad. Just you. Do you understand now?" You said, and I nodded.

"I understand." I whispered, leaning over to place a soft kiss on your lips.

That's when I got up and started yelling at Ohila about how much I hated her and you know what happens because you can remember all that, you just can't remember me.

It would have been kinder for me if I lost my memory, I think. I'd hate myself, without realising, for forgetting you, but I'd be oblivious.

Although it would probably have been a bit odd when I realised I didn't have a heartbeat and couldn't die because I was technically already dead.

Look, Doctor, I haven't got long left on my clock, even though my time ran out long ago, but I wanted to spend my last moments talking to you again, even if you weren't listening, because I still love you, and I will until the moment I truly die, even though I know you don't love me.

That's the way, isn't it, the way the universe decided my life should go. It decided I could never have the man I love, love me back. You can't even recognise my face.

Anyway, a final piece of advice to you from the person who might possibly know you better than anyone :

Never stand still. Never stop running, because maybe when you stop that will be the day that everything comes flooding back, and when you can remember what you told me in the Cloisters without looking at this note, and you realise now it's too late, I don't know what lengths you would go to to get me back again.

Let me tell you, find a distraction. Find another companion, someone to make you more human again, to keep you grounded. You need a distraction, Doctor, to remind you of everything.

I love you.

Clara Oswald xxx


End file.
